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    別再讓我遇見你

      看到一個女作家的博客,說從十幾歲開始,一直都喜歡1983版《射雕英雄傳》中的楊康。喜歡了好多年。那個男人的形象在她的感情世界里堪稱完美。而多年后,她在一個電視臺做節目,主持人不知從哪里知曉她的秘密,在節目中間,突然安排了她和楊康的扮演者苗僑偉相見……后來,她用四個字形容這次毫無防備的見面。她說,真是“情何以堪”啊。
      
      最后,她說,年少時,我們喜歡一個人,就拼命地想和他在一起。成年后才知道,喜歡一個人,最好永遠不要和他相見,這樣才能一直喜歡他。
      
      心里當時就覺得,好有同感啊。當然,多年后的苗僑偉雖然已經不再年輕,但還是很說得過去的,依舊是中年人中的帥哥一枚。成熟儒雅,沒有發福,依然風度翩翩。想來作為曾經的明星和后來的商人再到明星,他始終是自律地保持著形象和氣質,但太多平凡人的歲月,卻都是倉皇不堪的。
      
      前一段,老媽因闌尾炎手術住院,我調休后跑回去照顧她。那天中午去醫院外面一家小的營養餐館買病號飯,因老媽對飯菜咸淡很挑剔,于是跑去后廚想跟廚師交代一聲。
      
      沒想到就遇見了他,坐在凌亂的廚房角落的椅子上,端著一杯茶跟廚師聊天。雖然過去了好幾年,雖然現今的他已經發福、衣衫不整、面容有了清晰的滄桑感,且眼神里再也不見曾經的清澈,我還是認出了他——我高中時暗戀過的男生。
      
      心里忽然就被一種重重的哀傷填滿了,忽然就覺得那樣哀傷,有一剎那,幾乎有流淚的沖動,這哪里還是他?哪里還是當年那個穿白襯衣、天藍牛仔褲、騎在腳踏車上一只腳撐地滿臉陽光的男孩呢?當年的他,有著那么干凈的膚色、眼神和笑容,清雅得如初春的白樺樹。整個高中時光,我幾乎都在仰望他,低低地仰望著。
      
      不過10年許,他也不過30歲。現今,30歲的男人可以很精致、很年輕、很茂盛。他卻是早早倒在光陰里的那一個。連手中的杯子,看上去都那么渾濁不堪。
      
      他只顧跟廚師聊天,并沒有認出我來。因為天冷,我戴了口罩。或者,即使我不戴口罩,他也不會認出。他的注意力已經不在異性身上,簡單幾句聊天內容我便已聽出,他該是這家營養餐館的老板,正跟廚師商量增加幾個新菜品……而曾經,我無論如何都無法想象,他的未來是一家小餐館的老板,斤斤計較、細細盤算。
      
      我忍耐著心底的悲哀轉過頭去,跟廚師交代了我的小小要求。
      
      他隨著廚師的話笑著和我寒暄了兩句,無非是尋常地征求一下顧客意見。
      
      我匆忙回答兩句走了出去,好半天,直到提著煲好的湯離開,心底的壓抑才緩緩散去。
      
      當然,不是他的錯。不是每個人都具有抵抗光陰的本領,我自己亦是。不用時時照鏡子,我也知道最美好的歲月已經離我遠去。為此,我曾經偷偷祈禱過不要再讓我遇見他,不要讓他看到我如今不再青春的容顏,卻忘記了失去青春容顏的不止我自己。更沒想到,我們還是遇見了。而顯然,他比我幸運,因為我認出了他他卻不再記得我。
      
      或者是因為我并非他當初心儀的女生,我對他的記憶,遠比他對我深刻。
      
      而當年,他心儀的女孩是誰呢?是否依然貌美如花或已在人生里一點點凋零。
      
      可是不管怎樣,讓世界更大、我們人生的路更寬闊一些吧。如此,我們可以大路朝天各走一邊,不交集不遇見,讓曾經的喜歡在心底慢慢老去,慢慢發酵,長成最醇厚的感情記憶,而不是被晾曬在粗劣的現實中。
      
      這樣,才能感謝曾經愛過而不后悔、不遺憾。

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